I am a greeting card hypocrite

So you think someone who painstakingly handcrafts cards for a hobby would have the best holiday cards. Nope.

Last year I managed to send out one of those picture postcards of my kids in their Thanksgiving finery doing circus tricks. This year? Nada. I have not made cards, I have not ordered photo greeting cards, I have not run out to Target and bought 75% off Christmas cards. Nothing.

It’s one thing to not send a humble/show-off card/autobiography to all your friends, college roommates from a previous life, and second cousins thrice removed. It’s an entirely different matter when you postally neglect elderly relatives who have faithfully sent you Christmas and birthday cards your entire life. People! The guilt is eating me alive!

The hypocrisy doesn’t end there. I’m just as bad with birthday cards. I’ve got important birthdays marked in Outlook, in Google Calendar, on my cell phone and on every pc in the house. Do I remember to send cards? Nope.

I have at least six plastic boxes jam-packed with cards I have made over the years. Sure, there are a few ugly ones (I gave most of the rejects to my sister as a white elephant gift. She wasn’t impressed), but most of the cards are beautiful, professional and a whole lot nicer than what you can find in the store. I even have some funny/slightly-naughty ones. Maybe I will show you those someday.

What are the odds?

For those rare times I actually do write a personal message in a card and put it in an envelope, there’s only a 50 percent chance that I will take the time to find a stamp. If I do, I usually stick on two or three for good measure, because I can never remember if the postal rates have changed. Then, the odds of me remembering to tdrop it off at the post office are miniscule. I don’t know why, but they don’t pick up mail in our neighborhood. I think it has something to do with city residents not having actual mailboxes.

What really distresses me are the thank you cards my kids are responsible for. Getting two kids with ADHD to write thank you notes is a near impossibility. When I actually triumph, then I have to repeat the whole stamp, post office thing. Last year I actually sent large manilla envelopes to various relatives. Inside these envelopes were numerous thank you cards my kids had written for scattered birthdays and holidays over several years. Some of these cards had little crayon drawings on the front. Sweet–except my kids are now teenagers. Thankfully, I think the relatives were so confounded by this envelope that they couldn’t find the words to chastise my parenting.

On a completely different note, tonight I submitted my first ever design team call application. My application was witty and my portfolio was stunning. I’m a shoe-in–except for the fact that my brand-spanking new blog only has about three people following it. One of them is me. I kid you not.

Since the craft industry relies on blogging designers with umpteen followers, I may have a slight handicap. Did I mention that my portfolio was stunning?

I included this Nautical Explosion Box in my application. Although, it is the first explosion box I have made, I am happy with the outcome. I’m not going to provide a tutorial or product list–at least right now. This is simply Eye Candy. However, if you want to try making one, there are several tutorials available on youTube.

I will say that after hand cutting the four life preservers, I really, really wished for an applicable punch or die cut. Hand-cutting perfectly parallel circles of paper is definitely not my forte.

I hope your week explodes with happiness

That’s all. When morning rolls around we will celebrate my son’s 17th birthday. No, I do not have a card for him.